According to the latest data of a recent 2000+ survey poll given to you by me, the title of this post is true.. Is this a bad thing? Why may you feel this way? Should you change it?
Here are a couple other titles I could have chosen.
1. Poll Shows – Worrying About Others May Be The Cause Of Your Problems
2. Poll Shows – Are You Your Own Worst Enemy?
3. Poll Shows – You May Think You Are Working Harder Than You Are
I want to discuss is what you think is crossing the boundaries of “hard work” and what it means to you. I have discussed this topic a lot actually. You can see previous posts where I discuss what realistic goals for fat loss or muscle gain are. Today, I want to talk more about the emotional and socialization aspects of working towards goals.
Whatever It Takes?
Quite simply – based on the survey and answers given – the majority of you are not remotely willing to do whatever it takes to achieve your goal. Not even close. Not even approaching the sign, that leads to the road, of “whatever it takes.” If you feel insulted or judged by me saying that – don’t. I don’t think this is a bad thing really, but I do think it is an important thing to note. If we use the term “whatever it takes” in a literal sense, it would mean to do something that stretches the boundaries of what you feel is ethical, decent, or mentally and physical possible. I would hope no one would wage war, lie, steal, cheat, and kill in order to be low in body fat. If so, please for the love of vintage vinyl, stop reading my f**king blog.
The question then comes to – Where is the line drawn between healthy driven and insane driven? Technically we would need to define what is mental healthy or sane. This could prove to be very complicated, so for the sake of brevity, I will break it down like this.
Healthy – You are not physically or mentally abused to the point of serious and irreversible illness.
Not Healthy – If it doesn’t fit in the above category.
It seems however, the classification above is far too broad for people to relate to. What was considered unhealthy to the people who took the survey had more to do with social habits and inconvenience, than it did to any technical definition of unhealthy. You could draw lines (and I would agree) that the lack of social interaction or isolation could lead to problems in your health. There are plenty of studies that discuss a connection with healthy social habits and healthy bodies. Generally speaking, people create happiness for others.
Still, I think it is important for me to state what my opinion on what is going too far.
#1 Answer Given To The Final Question is…
The final question I gave was – “9. Lastly, in your personal opinion – what do you feel qualifies as taking working towards your goal too far? What do you think is unhealthy behavoir involving diet/exercise based goals? *Please remove anything involving intentional hurting of yourself or an individual.”
The #1 answer given to this question had some variance of the following…
Missing out on family events or social outings because of the food that will be served there or because of training.
This is very telling and I will tell you why for 3 reasons.
1 – It says most people work in a all or nothing capacity.
Obviously, people are under the impression that real change in their lives and bodies can only come from sticking themselves in the mountains of Russia, while carrying a log up a snowy hill. This could be in part because real change is rarely seen in reality and mostly seen through the aid of Hollywood movies. Notice I said it is rarely seen and not that it doesn’t happen. Lack of dramatics or celebration in personal triumphs can often lead to people not noticing much happened (no matter how beautiful your montage was in your mind).
The truth is the goals most of you have are attainable by making small changes. Changes that anyone could adapt to in their life, without being banished to the mountains.
2 – It says most people don’t understand body composition very well in the first place.
Technically, this is not hard. There is always time to not eat. You can always say no to food. It’s a ridiculous concept to some – I know. Take myself for example, I really like food. Saying no to food when I don’t want to, is not an enjoyable event. Saving money, saving relationships, saving pounds from collecting onto my body – all hard and all take work. Considering I have a very all or nothing personality and have been known to over indulge in the unhealthiest of habits – it’s hard.
That all being said, you can have your cake and eat it too. It may be time for you to re-evaluate what you see as hard.
3 – It says most people care too much about what people think about them and have classic social structures and low self esteem in place.
Repeat after me. It is okay to say “No.” Drinking doesn’t make you fun. Eating doesn’t make you fun. If these things have to be in place to have a good time, you need to analyze what you are trying to avoid. For clarity, I am not talking about being a foodie and having that as an interest. I am discussing using those physical items as a crutch. Chances are you are trying to avoid you. All these things are great cloaking for lacking conversation and interest. Don’t get me wrong, you can still drink and eat and achieve your goals.
Having self-value and opinions doesn’t mean being rude. It doesn’t mean not caring about people’s feelings. It doesn’t mean looking down on people. People who think that, don’t get it. It is about having pride in yourself, your environment, and the life you live. It doesn’t take too much work to simply make a few educated situation assessments. The point is, if you really want to make changes, but fear the judgment of others, f**k em. You “do you” and don’t look back.
Healthy and Looking Good Is a Hobby, You Just Didn’t Know It
People who care about their health are different. People who care about their body are different. Not better, just different. It’s an interest and it’s a lifestyle. My interests of dance, music and fitness – is a lifestyle. The problem is these interests involve social status and insecurity on high levels. Higher than say, gardening. Some of your friends may have a hard time dealing with the fact that you take health and fitness so seriously. They may feel judged, insecure, or take it to mean something it doesn’t.
You can’t cater to that. You have to be exactly who you want to be at all times, no apologies.
This Takes Work, But It Doesn’t Have To Be Hard
I got the impression people set limits for themselves. Things like -
“I wouldn’t count calories, that is going too far!”
“I wouldn’t get up early in the morning or miss hanging out.”
“I don’t want to sacrifice my time.”
“Making food is too hard.”
These are the same people who rated they were giving it 8/9/10 on the rating scale and at a 2/3/4 with happiness of results. The simple truth is if you want it (and have the right education) it is yours for the taking. That is the beauty and the frustration of this process. It is all in your control and if you think it isn’t – you are wrong. I don’t say that to judge you, I say it to help you. I know this post could harm a lot of peoples emotions, but if you think it is out of malice you don’t know me and you don’t know my work.
What Do I Think Is Going To Far
You are physically or mentally abused to the point of serious and irreversible illness. Everything else, is just what you are willing to do.
What I Recommend
I recommend looking at the initial portion of your journey much like your last year of college. It may take hard work. It may take a few tough decisions and sacrifices sometimes. However, it shouldn’t always be for like. That is where most of you are going wrong and I don’t blame you for being frustrated. If you think it is, you aren’t doing it right. After the big initial changes are made everything else becomes patience and slow changes over time. Maintenance or light body composition changes are not very hard. It’s the template that can take some time, but it is worth it. It’s the habits that can take time to change, but it is worth it.
It doesn’t have to be a nightmare, but it does have to be at the forefront of your mind.
If you really do think you are giving it your all and are spinning your wheels, put on the brakes now and examine what you are doing. If you need help from me you are more than welcome to join the forums and ask questions or get the Fat Loss Troubleshoot and see if it doesn’t set you on the right path.
Related posts:
Well I care about my Body Comp!
This is a great post Leigh. Looking forward to more on this subject.
Great post, Leigh, from the first word to the very last one.
While weight loss/fat loss is important, it’s something I find hard to put in the literal “whatever it takes” category. That’s more of a mother bear protecting her cubs type thing. I’ve heard it (and used it) a lot in the figurative sense. As in, “I love my Dunkin Donuts coffee with extra cream and sugar, but if I have to give that up temporarily then only enjoy it occasionally after I meet my goal, then hey, whatever it takes.”
I can empathize on the all-or-nothing mentality, within the realm of morals, ethics and state and federal law, of course.
Looking forward to hearing more about what your poll showed.
To give up a Donut Lori really does take a “whatever it takes” mentality. True story.
“Missing out on family events or social outings because of the food that will be served there or because of training.”
Now, for the record, my friends frequent fast food joints and they have seen me consume my Tupperware containers of romaine lettuce and tuna. They used to give me weird looks and still dig me for not relaxing my stance and eating the food there. But they’ve never given me an ultimatum to either give in and eat like them or lose our friendship forever. I am faced with harsh temptations all the time, but I never give in. Commitment? Sure.
As for training, I have no qualms pushing it till later in the day so that I can hang out with my friends. My timetable is flexible and I feel that there is a thin line between obsession and commitment. Though the latter certainly manifests in the former, committed people are not obsessive. Being there with and for my family and friends is really important and I will never give that up. But I am committed to my goals as well, and I desire to be ripped. Ergo, I will get into the gym on that day and bust my ass, no matter what the time is. If the gym closes before I can make my way there, I can still take my 20kg kettlebell to the park and do weighted chins, one-armed pushups, pistols and swings in the cool night to substitute my pendlay rows, military presses, squats and RDLs. This only happens on occasion as I’m usually very meticulous about planning my social and personal activities, but the point is that flexibility is key in the face of such surprises.
In conclusion, your premise is well-meaning but it really shouldn’t be carved in stone and people shouldn’t be judged by that sentence. I respect people who know how to partition their activities to accommodate their friends. This is the hallmark of compromise in a social setting. Your goals should be approached with full-fledged commitment but not with an unhealthy obsession. After all, that’s where anorexia, bulimia and orthorexia started with. Are people who suffer from these committed? Sure, they would skip social events to achieve their goals. They might even be more committed than I am in terms of their diet! But they are obsessed. Definitely.
Hey Clement, I think you need to re-read my post. I never once said that you can’t hang out with your family and have change. That was my point, that the family shouldn’t even be a consideration. That you should be able to make the changes you need to make without it affecting your friends and family on any level. That’s the whole have your cake an eat it to. What I did say was – if your family or friends have a problem with it, screw it, that isn’t your problem. There is a big difference between compromise and fear. If you have a problem with those words – fine. Otherwise you are taking my post in the wrong direction and didn’t read it properly as I would never condone anything that led to illness or instability (which I plainly put, multiple times, in the post).
Oh, yes, I see it now. I meant that sometimes people need to see it as not just another stressful, inflexible part of their lives. Sure, dieting is extremely hard. It is brutal and a nasty SOB. I wouldn’t be going on aggressive caloric restriction and agonizing over how to meet my protein requirements on Lyle McDonald’s PSMF if I didn’t desire a better body composition. And I wouldn’t have done alternate-day fasting previously. But if you do take the effort to understand how difficult it is to set targets and comply with them, then it would become easy and just a matter of fitting it into your social life.
Please don’t get me wrong – I agree with your premise 100%, but merely wish to comment on the distinction between obsession and commitment. Diet is often seen as an authoritarian, dictator-like entity that controls one’s life, but few of us realize that we are in fact the ones who control our diet and how it fits into our lives and not the other way round.
I understand completely. I think I got a little knee jerk with the judgment comment. I just thought I worked so hard to make it clear there was no judgment at all with my words, simply observations. Which, technically, is a judgment but potato, potato.
Thanks for the clarity.
I just read “potato, potato” the same way, rather than with different pronounciations.
very funny in my head.
Clement, I have to agree with Leigh here.
I think you took the post to mean something it didn’t. I don’t read this post and receive a message of “do whatever it takes.” To me, Leigh is saying you don’t have to be extreme, but you do have to do something! The message rings loud and clear. It is one I honestly needed to hear today.
Indeed.
Fantastic post, Leigh, and I need to hear more of it. That’s what I came here for. I’ve been on this journey for almost a year. I’ve always known I’m not working as hard as I could be to achieve my goal and I’ve had the sneaking suspicion I don’t even know what real hard work is. That’s why I chose to join this group, because I could see by what you had written for the general crowd that you definitely knew what hard work was and how much would be needed to get to the end game.
It’s common not to want to buck the general trend. Most people are “go along to get along” people. I’ve found that attitude may be comfortable in the short term but (at least in my case) doesn’t allow me to express myself fully and to my satisfaction. So I have to find my way out of that comfort zone and it takes courage and usually small steps. But once you’re there…look out! I have a saying…”F*ck ‘em if they can’t take a joke!” That means to heck with people who are judgemental about who I am and how I express myself. I’d rather be happy than be well-liked.
Everything you posted was spot on to what I was saying. If you want it for the taking, it is yours. It may mean some sacrifice at times, yes. Maybe not too. That just depends on your life, your time, and what you consider to be hard work. Call me crazy, but having seen my dad get up at 3-4 in the morning and come home after 7-8 at night for all my life, puts hard work on a different level to me. You can’t cook your food or monitor your eating on some level? Really? That is too hard for you? I can’t help that. People think taking the time to take care of your body means “disorder.” It isn’t that simple. I would also like to note the “disorder” goes both way on the scale and mentally.
As to f**k em if they can’t take a joke? I agree. The think is you will fine that sort of confidence and self care leads to being more liked because you like yourself. That is not about cocky, but about quality control. You will get there Nancy, just figure out what may be an area you can bump up on the focus.
Nancy, this is exactly why I joined this group too! You and Hilary said exactly what I am thinking and feeling. I am so glad I am not the only one who has the same thing going on with them!
This post is like being hit with a truck load of emotional bombs!!
I don’t know where to begin. I really don’t know where to beging.
Take your time. It’s a static blog, it’s here for you.
Hilary, I know exactly how you feel!
thanks for the post, because it just cleared something up for me. I’ve gotten a lot of reactions to calorie counting that are similar too the “that’s too far / too obsessive/too time consuming” and in the past I’ve agreed with them but say I do it anyway. I will no longer agree with them and be NON apologetic about my calorie counting habits!!
Yeah, trust me I know. Do I think people can take things too far – um yeah. People forget I have been in the institutions and talked to the girls (and men) that are suffering with illness on a completely different level than “oh I don’t want to be embarrassed by counting calories, kinda.” I do not make light of any of it. That being said, there comes a point to where that becomes an excuse. “I don’t want to go to far – that isn’t normal.”
There was this article recently on Fitsugar.com about over exercising. Most of it was ridiculous. I am the last person you would label with an exercise addiction, but by its standards I am a f**king psycho. http://www.fitsugar.com/Signs-Exercise-Addiction-9439681
Really great post, Leigh, and a huge giggle at that FitSugar article.
Let’s write some really serious and ominous articles about other kinds of addiction:
Brushing your teeth – are you just a wee bit compulsive?
Do you really need to wash those dishes NOW or feel like you’ll explode? How to talk yourself off the Dawn ledge.
Signs of over-peeing – it can happen to you!
Why thinking about sex 1.3 times per hour is healthy, but 3.9 times? You pervert!
Ha I know right? Don’t get me wrong, I take that stuff seriously, but that article was ridiculous.
Sometimes I read your blog posts and know I have been insulted, but I can’t figure out how.
I just want you to know that is going to be my new forum signature. Gold.
Jodi you are my hero! I love you too Leigh, but gosh do I feel that way sometimes! LOL
That’s just bang-on! I know how you feel Jodi
ROFL!
I’m a Peace Corps volunteer, 4 months into 27 months of service in the South Caucaus. (And yes, I read Leigh’s blog as part of my one hour of internet a week. Priorities) At this point, much of what I read here has lost some practicality, as there is no gym access and food options are severely limited. But, I’ve moved 2-3 belt loops in the right direction, and I would guess 20-25 pounds since I came to country in May. (I did a bulk as part of my powerlifting routine in the months before coming in anticipation of losing weight here)
It’s amazing what happens to your body composition when you have no access to ANYTHING in a bag or a box. I ONLY eat real food now. Local fruits vegetables, grass fed beef, and eggs. Everything must be prepared from scratch and shopped for regularly due to lack of refrigeration, but I am rarely hungry. The food is good, and bad weight falls off when you eat REAL food.
Everyone KNOWS what they should do to lose weight. But unless you have single-minded focus about it (or lack access to anything to cheat with in my case), people aren’t willing to make the sacrifices necessary for real change. I’m with Leigh on this. Either make a commitment to real change, or stop complaining about your lack of results.
Just wanted to give props to your volunteer work. Great thing you are doing and others could certainly take a look at the struggles you have and give some perspectives to their lives.
I can’t agree more. I know way too many people who seem to think EVERYTHING about their life should stay the same AND they should be able to lose weight b/c they REALLY WANT IT; but they never seem to realize it’s the EVERYTHING in your life that lead you to GAIN the weight in the first part. For your weight to change SOMETHING has to give. People may not like it, but as Leigh would say, that means they don’t really want it as bad as they think. And full disclosure, I’m probably in the camp of “I can’t possibly do that” group, but I’m working on jumping over to the other side!
Well stated Kathryn. Change does take change.
My friends and family are very used to me bringing my own food to social events…they are also very used to asking me how I stay so lean and find motivation to exercise. Go figure. They find it even more amazing when they see me eating cake or (per this past weekend) the richest banana pudding I have ever tasted. That furthers the disbelief that some people can just get away with anything, but sometimes I just don’t feel like explaining that I count calories everyday and know when I have wiggle room to have fun.
I loved this poll – you are the Queen of relaying to people that psychology is at the root of all of this. Keep waging the war against the 8-minute abs mentality of the world, I’ll be right behind you!
Yeah I know, when you get it right then you are a freak, with a fast metabolism, or one of those “lucky” people.
It takes time to get down to that template for some, but everyone can have their cake and eat it too with the right education.
Hi Leigh–
I know you are a big fan of podcasts–have you heard of Radio Lab? It’s a podcast that blurs boundaries among science, philosophy, and human experience. Their episode on limits, especially the discussion of limits of the human body gets at some of the results you discuss here.
Malcolm Gladwell, who seems to be a big hit among the strength and conditioning community, is often featured on Radio Lab.
http://www.radiolab.org
I don’t know how I missed that podcast, but it is on the list now. Thanks a lot for the heads up because I love Gladwell and those areas of discussion.
Spot on Leigh! This is it in a nutshell:
“After the big initial changes are made everything else becomes patience and slow changes over time. Maintenance or light body composition changes are not very hard. It’s the template that can take some time, but it is worth it. It’s the habits that can take time to change, but it is worth it. It doesn’t have to be a nightmare, but it does have to be at the forefront of your mind.”
It took me quite awhile to make my template, but now I have it and life is great and everything is easier! It is so true that to stay on track it has to be in the forefront. But it isn’t that hard and it doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your life for it. The opposite is true–your life becomes better once you create the habits and lifestyle you need to meet your goals. The hardest part for me was to get rid of my old, incorrect, ingrained thinking about fitness and eating. That’s what was really holding me up. Once those were gone, bingo! My goals were achievable. Life is good.
Great to read and I hope some others read that as well and feel inspired and know it CAN be achieved.
“Missing out on family events or social outings because of the food that will be served there or because of training.”
lol wow that blows my mind that there are people out there who consider that “going too far”. i consider things like putting your finger down your throat and jeopardizing your health as going too far. if the only way you can get to the gym is having to miss a family barbeque, then that’s what it takes to reach your goals. if you aren’t willing to make any sacrifices, it shouldn’t be surprising if you aren’t seeing any results
Read the addiction exercise.
•The intensity, duration, and/or frequency of your workouts are above and beyond the recommended 30 minutes a day.
- Well I tend to average 1.5 hrs most days (swimming and gym, plus walking at lunchtime/capoeria training)
•You’re compulsive about getting in a workout, regardless of other commitments, the weather, or personal pains or injuries.
- Ok, maybe not on this one..Family for me does come first.
•You’re fanatical about keeping track of your progress (distance, calories burned, mileage, etc.) in an exercise journal, and are obsessive about meeting or exceeding goals that are often above your physical abilities.
- How else are you going to know that you’ve improved over time? Maybe you’re a facts and figures person.
•You feel guilty or anxious when you miss a workout, and beat yourself up about it.
- This is more, I know I have the time, and it’s more to do with lazyness. What else am I going to do between when I get up and HAVE to get ready (I tend to wake up at 5.30am, so I go for a run or do my flexibility exercises. The other alternative is to be on the computer.
•You constantly talk, read, research, and think about exercise.
- Well education and knowledge about exercise is good, the more you know, the better you are prepared. Plus the information is so vast out there, it’s good to know the truth compared to the theories and ‘do you know’ that you’ve heard over the years.
Good article….Like everything…everything in moderation.
According to that article Steve you are certifiable.
“Drinking doesn’t make you fun. Eating doesn’t make you fun. If these things have to be in place to have a good time, you need to analyze what you are trying to avoid.” I know what you’re saying, but realistically, that’s what people talk about. In my social circle, people work hard most of the time. Between working, taking care of kids, taking care of parents, life gets full. So, yeah they might go to a movie once a month or a nice vacation once a season, but food and drink are more of a constant. I had a nice run yesterday, but that’s not much of a conversation starter and I’m not going to do laps at a wedding reception, but it’s pretty easy to talk about the steelhead trout I tried the other day. People are watching different TV, listening to different music, but we all eat; across age ranges, across incomes. The geriatric generation talks about money, health, and kids, but I’m not there yet. Weather and sports gets old, religion, politics, relationships are too personal, food/ drink is high up there in the list of fun but superficial topics. I don’t know what I’m “trying to avoid” but I think that food/ drink are central elements of the social scene. Some of what we’re avoiding – the economy, divorce rate, anguish about whether we’re doing enough for the kids…
Hmm I think you take that to mean something it isn’t, but I also think it is the fault of my writing in that instance. I should have been more clear. What I am discussing is not being a foodie or talking about the joys of good food/cooking, that kind of thing. So if that was put across, that wasn’t the intent. What I am talking about are the people are constantly focused on what others are doing, eating, drinking and feel if they aren’t stuffing their face (usually to AVOID conversation) then something is wrong. The guy that care more about your glass being full than talking to you. That is the difference. People that use a physical item as a emotional crutch to conversation. No different than smoking either (and I was a smoker for years and didn’t realize that is what I was doing).
Perhaps that create some clarity to what I meant. I love food, drink, and the conversation that surround it. I don’t love using food, drink, and inebriation as a crutch.
Oh. Okay, I think I understand the distinction you’re making, but I’m not sure. I don’t know where that line is, when I listen to my aunts talk about food for 2 hours straight it feels like they’re avoiding meaningful conversation, but when I do I think I’m being a foodie. I’ve been having a foodie-heavy week (said wedding reception, dinner at a 5-star restaurant, lots of summer canning and jams) and starting to feel like a superficial twit. Like exercise, it can be a needed break or it can be a form of avoidance, and the distinction is not always obvious.
This post pisses me off. Not because I disagree, on the contrary…..it’s spot on. I see myself in the “worried about what other people think” category and it just pisses me off. Why should I be worried that somebody else will make fun of me because I watch what I eat and work out hard? Yes I am thin, yes I am probably physically stronger than most 47 year old women are and you know what?? I busted ass to get this way! NO I am not one of the “lucky ones” who is naturally thin. My entire family is overweight and I was once too. NO, I am not thin because I don’t have children..(yes this was actually said to me, at the gym of all places) I had 2 children, I just don’t have them anymore. NO, I don’t want to eat junk food just because somebody else thinks I obsess too much about food. I’m not obsessing at all, this is my lifestyle now, my choice, it’s ME!
I think I do know what hard work is. I have many, many times worked out to the point of requiring much focus just to get to the locker room. I LIKE it, I don’t do it for any other reason then for ME! I’m sick and tired of keeping my mouth shut when I’m proud of an accomplishment just because I’m too worried about what somebody else will have to say about it. Game over, Im done. If anybody in my life doesnt like it maybe they need to step up their game a bit to catch up!
Sure I have improvements to be made, don’t we all? The point is we should be able to be proud of our accomplishments and healthy choices without worrying about what other people say, It’s not so much about not eating whatever, drinking whatever on an outing with the family now and again but an ENTIRE lifestyle that needs to be accepted by our family and peers, right?
Excellent rant and well executed. You “do you” Rosalie!
I think the ideal situation–and what I’d like to attain–is to have a steely interior (to say “no”) but look totally casual on the outside. I have admiration for the Clements and Kristas of the world who bring their Tupperware to family gatherings, but I, personally, can’t do it: I would succumb to the social pressure, leave the Rubbermade in the car, and eat my silly head off.
I’m currently exploring the concept of “camoflauge dieting.” I won’t tupperware a family dinner, but it is perfectly acceptable to me to do it at work, explaining that “I’m too busy to lunch today.” At family dinners, I take a small portion of something mathematically acceptable to my diet, and say, “I can’t EAT anymore. You should’ve seen what I ate at lunch.” (Notice the clever lie!) And on the few occasions when I land at an Applebee’s or an Outback lately, I’ve been ordering just dessert and coffee so that I look like I’m indulging, but I’m really cutting out a whole bunch of calories.
I don’t think this would work for the fitness/bodybuilding crowd, who have control of their day and their food far beyond my abilities–and who have vastly different objectives. The problem I’m frequently confronted with is that, as the day nears it’s end, I’m supposed to eat more protein, but, if I do, my calorie deficit will evaporate. A big breakthough for me was that I figured out the most miserable day you can have is when you sacrificed and suffered, but you blew your deficit to the point that you’re not losing weight. When I started saying “screw the protein grams, I want to lose some flab,” I started “winning” days I would have otherwise “lost.”
I like your analogy to a hobby, Leigh, and I totally agree with it. For some of us, the hobby is more mental than physical though. I used to wait on a train platform to go to Chicago each morning. On several occasions, I spotted a young lady, kinda Goth and very fat, like 230 lbs fat. She wore black fishnet stockings and short shorts, and generally looked like– dare I say it–a slut. She got a lot of raw and distainful looks from the other riders. The thing is, I had seen her before she went Goth, and she was just another frumpy, normal 20-something. Anyway, maybe a year later, I was on the same platform–and there she was–perhaps a hundred lbs lighter and pulling off the Goth look quite well, I dare say. I never spoke with her, but it occurred to me that the dress up transformation that she had started the year before was her staking out in her imagination what she wanted to become. It was impressive. We all have different goals, right?
Indeed, we do have different goals. And I think you will find that the more you achieve your goal, and the more that confidence kicks in with who you are to yourself, the more those social pressure don’t apply.
I believe the only way to get to the true you, is to be truthful. That doesn’t mean sometimes you don’t “lie” along the way to the truth. “Fake it, before you make it” – if you will. Visualization is a lie until it becomes your reality. As long as you are truthful to yourself and intentions are noble, IMHO, that is all that matters.
Personally, I think that missing family and social events in order to reach a goal is “crossing the line” precisely BECAUSE it’s not necessary, but a lot of people do it. Skipping a party or outing for the good of your waistline is unhealthy because you can go to the party or on the outing and still lose fat.
I agree and that was the point I think some missed. I don’t ever think you have to skip the party to have the body you want. I do think sometimes you have to skip the party food in its excessive gluttonous glory. I do think you should care enough about yourself to not let the pressure of others weigh on your decisions. Me typing doesn’t mean it will instantly happen for people, but it might be a “voice” in the back of people’s mind that makes saying no a easier thing to do or create a normality (removing guilt). That’s the hope, anyway.
ITA, Emily. My survey answers included ‘turning down invites’ and a couple other similar things as evidence that I was going too far, but I meant too far psychologically, not too far physically. When my brain starts seeing things as that black and white, I know that I’m getting into psychologically unhealthy territory, and I need to step back and take a week or so deficit-free till I have the mental energy to regroup and remember that I don’t have to choose between having a life and having my health.